No couple goes into marriage thinking they will be the one who won’t make it to happily ever after. Certainly, on the wedding day, you would think you were promising a love that would last a life time. Now for reasons you may not fully understand, that dream seems shattered. As you try to understand the pain and figure out what to do, divorce may look like a way out. After all, you might reason that life is full of second chances. Perhaps you simply married the wrong person and that Mr. or Mrs. Right is still out there somewhere. You might think you were too young when you got married and that you never really loved your spouse. As such you convinced yourself it would be better than being alone. Or maybe you are hoping against hope that your marriage can be salvaged. But before you bail out of your marriage, look at what you’d be diving into. Most people are not really ready for the challenges of a post-divorced life.
HOW WOULD DIVORCE AFFECT ME?
Jude and Kemi tried to spare their children the details of a break up. Their marital problems were further complicated by Jude’s affair with his secretary in his place of work. But Kemi without a college education was forced to move back in with her parents where she continues to live for about 12years. At one point, she attempted to recover the N1.5million in the educational trust fund Jude had been paying over the years for their children but was only able to get N80, 000 barely enough to pay quarter of the bills that had been pilling up. Kemi’s story points out one all-too-real fact of divorce; post divorce families usually suffer financially. Recent studies show that women experiencing divorce face roughly a 30percent decline in their standard of living they enjoyed while married while men show a 10percent decline.
The consistency of this finding has caused one conclusion; however prepared for marital disruption women increasingly maybe, they are not prepared in ways sufficient to cushion the economic cost. And remember that divorce itself can be a financial hurdle. While some divorce proceedings are relatively inexpensive, the fees can soar. Each case varies, Lawyer S.A J of Jinadu & Jinadu chambers describes it this way; you can get a divorce for under N10000 per spouse in the fees charged if one is lucky and if both spouses and their lawyers are reasonable and fair. And this still doesn’t include what divorce does to the standard of living, having to pay for child support, or the expenses of visitation. But one really can’t even predict that either side can pull all kinds of stuffs in court that just makes both lawyers waste time until one client eventually run out of funds. Picture a case where the couples settle out of court eventually but then the husband would have to spend close to N100000 or more just to enforce the settlement agreement.
But there is more to life than money, there are many other areas where men and women are affected by divorce. Research done over 30years stipulates that divorce seldom leads to a better life. Consider the following,
· Life expectancies for divorced men and women are significantly lower than for married people(who have the longest life expectancy)
· A recent study found those who were unhappy but stayed married were more likely to be happy 5 years after than those who were divorced.
· The health consequences of divorce are so sever that a researcher concluded that being and a non smoker is only slightly less dangerous than smoking a pack daily and staying married.
· After a diagnosis of cancer, married people are most likely to recover; while the divorced are at least likely to recover, indicating that the emotional trauma of divorce has a long term effect on the physical health of the body.
· Men and women both suffer a decline in mental health following a divorce but researchers have found that women are greatly affected. Some of these mental effects include depression, hostility.
